The Wind

This is about the feeling of having the wind knocked out of you. I remember the first time it happened to me. I was seven years old and climbing a tree in the front yard of my Granny's house in Sacramento. It was dark outside, and I was alone. I remember trying to get to a branch higher up in the tree, a branch I hadn't dared to aspire to climb to before. I remember climbing higher and higher and then I reached, clawing at the branch, desperately trying to grasp it. I lost my balance and fell, onto my back on ground that was unforgiving and harsh.

I laid there, gasping for breath, thinking at the tender age of seven, that I was going to die. The wind had been knocked out of me. And yet, over twenty years later, it feels the same. Only I haven't fallen from a tree. It's amazing the affects that others have on you. 

Edited to add a quick note: In case anyone is wondering, TJ and I are fine, we're actually closer than ever.

Choices

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." --Kevyn Aucoin

Lately I've been contemplating the choices we make in life. Even how we choose to approach life. For example, I can choose to look at the positive in my life and move forward, or I can choose to dwell on the negative and stay stuck in the mire of my own pessimism. I do not understand those that choose such a path in life. I respect that it is their right to make that choice, but I do not understand it. I know that I too, am guilty of feeling a bit negative at times, I mean, who doesn't? But to choose that day after day would be so exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally.

As a Psych major, I'm hoping to understand this choice better, and hope to one day help those that suffer from this emotional bondage. But for now I don't know how to approach these individuals, do I try and help them? Who says they even want my help? How would I even try and help them? Or do I choose to distance myself from this negativity and focus on the positives within my life, choosing not to be dragged down into the negative mire?

Sometimes this negativity will indirectly or even directly affect me, and I find it difficult to not take this personally. But I guess it is my choice to take it personally or let it roll off me without letting it get under my skin. For now I guess I will "choose" to find the joy in life, and not let the negativity get to me.

Nothing Much

Yesterday I began my summer semester, which means that I added more to my plate. I figured it would be no problem, since I'm taking a General Activity PE class and a Critical Thinking English class.

Oh boy was I wrong!

It turns out I need to log at least five hours of activity in my PE class and I will be writing three to five page papers for my English class every other week.

I should be okay though, more Relay team members are stepping up to help out, which is greatly appreciated. This week we definitely need the help, we have a booth at the Farmer's Market on Thursday and a Benefit Concert on Sunday. I just hope the concert works out!

Well, that is all for now, like I said, nothing much, I'm just trying to get better at updating this thing!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Last night was the very first night of shooting for the movie I'm in. I've done a lot of acting on stage, but never in front of a camera. It was an interesting and educational experience! 

I began the night by trying on costume pieces, changing my nails to a bright pink shade, spilling the nail polish in the process onto a costume piece. Yeah, I know I'm a spaz. Afterwards I got to watch a co-star get her special effects make-up applied. That was a really cool process and ended up slightly grossed out by the end. After the sun went down and the sky was finally dark, we began filming. I didn't have many scenes to film, and I only had one line, but I know I'll have some heavy duty filming days soon! 

Other than the costume faux pas, I made one of the classic mistakes a newbie could make, I looked into the camera instead of at my co-star. Though I may have had a rough start, I think the night went well, and I can't wait to film more! I just need to keep the pink nail polish away from my costumes!

Hopefully, I'll be able to post more info about the movie soon, but for now feel free to visit my director's blog!

House 17161

Excuse me, would you mind removing your foot from my back?

For anyone that is wondering, the work that TJ and I do for Relay For Life is completely volunteer. Translation: We don't get paid.

Now this is fine for both of us since we've both been touched by cancer. For example, my mom was diagnosed with Basal cell carcinoma, just two days after last year's relay. That was scary for us, but I can't imagine what my mom was going through or what she was thinking. After all she lost both of her parents to two different types of cancer, so I'm sure she was incredibly intimidated by the diagnosis. 

Okay back to the original thought here, we do this because it's something we want to make a difference in. We're trying to make this difference through running our own team (in it's second year by the way) and this year we are the chair and co-chair for all the online functions for our local Relay.

What this means is that we're in charge of the website, Facebook, emails, and customer service for those that need help online. 

So we have invested many hours into this cause, and since most people know that we are volunteers, you would think that people wouldn't give us grief right? Wrong.

On a regular basis we ask people if they would like to donate, even just a dollar to help in the fight against cancer. All they have to do is say, "No, thank you," and walk away. Most do, but those unfortunate few like to take this moment to berate us about anything from the "ugly purple ribbons" around town, to how their ex-wife is a cancer survivor and already gets all their money, to how they just don't care about cancer. There's also the dirty looks, swear words, and the flat out ignoring that we get. I have to admit, it's a little discouraging.

Well these are perfect strangers right, so you figure those that know us and know our dedication would be kinder right? Sadly, that's not always so. I've experienced people that have nearly expected me to be at their beck and call for information, and expect me to get it done just minutes after they send an email. As I was coming back from Washington, at a hotel room in Oregon, I had someone expect me to get info to them right then and there, ummm...sorry, I'm a little busy?

There's the hostility I've experienced if I have to remind them of a deadline or a policy, or even the demand that I set an exact time for a contest to end. Perhaps next time I post a contest I should set the deadline and post the Pacific, Mountain, Central, and Eastern times, just to prevent any confusion.

So all of this is a little disheartening, and it leaves me wondering if our work is appreciated at all. And then I'll get an email from someone thanking me, a hug from another Relay member, or a stranger enthusiastically pushing a ten dollar bill into our donation jar while telling us about how his mom, wife, sister, etc was a survivor. 

Yeah, those are the moments that make our hard work totally worth it.

Thanks for baring with us today on this post, and if you're interested in donating to our Relay For Life team click here. Or if you would like information on how you can prevent cancer or become involved you can visit the American Cancer Society's website. Have a great day everyone!

The Cavalry Comes to Save the Day!

Thankfully, I have been saved. From planning the benefit concert on my own that is. Thankfully I have had team members step in to assist in this process. Like Michael, who has taken upon himself the role as publicity agent. He stopped by my house with a ton of posters, and today he brought me tickets. I'm very grateful to Michael and my friends at Tehachapi Community Theatre that have been such a help with this concert. TJ, who happens to be the team captain (I'm just a "co-captain" haha!) will be finding the house manager and box office person that we need. Tanya (also known as Lucy in previous posts) is in charge of keeping my sane and being my back-up brain. Thankfully it is all coming together, and all we need to do is finish the set list and sell tickets. Oh crap. Selling tickets. Hmmmm... anyone want to come to a concert for a good cause?