Knee Therapy

I apologize, but for what few readers that actually check this occasionally, I'm going to use this post as a bit of therapy.

I'm frustrated. This time of year is usually one of my favorites, I'm normally baking tons of goodies in the kitchen, making crafts with the kids, having a Christmas party for friends, and I even enjoy going out and Christmas shopping (sick right?). 

My recent knee problem (can't really call it an injury since it's been an ongoing issue) has really slowed me down. Scratch that, I haven't slowed down, I've been downright stopped. I haven't baked one thing for Christmas yet, and that is seriously depressing me. Considering I have all this time in between work on weekends and the occasional doctor's appointment, I should have baked enough to stock a bakery. I can't though. Standing for long periods of time equals pain, and just recently, pretty severe edema in my left leg. Yesterday I ran errands for the first time in nearly a month, and though I was pretty proud of myself, it was difficult and painful. Mind you these errands were just going to the bank, two stores, and the post office by myself, but it was enough to "couch" me for pretty much the rest of the day. It also exhausted me, I found myself falling asleep in the car while waiting for Riley to get out of school.

I feel so bad for the kids, as I haven't been much fun lately. I know they understand, but I still feel incredibly crappy that they're going to remember the time when "Mom stayed on the couch for a few months," for the rest of their lives. 

As for the friends thing, this stupid knee has even slowed down my quest for new friends. I still have yet to make a good friend down here, and my knee is keeping me from going out to meet new people. I hate it, as I'm a very social person who's been forced to become a hermit. I wish I could hang out with someone or even call someone on the phone, but there's no one. I also can't seem to get any friends down here to visit from our old town. As a matter of fact, since we've moved, we've only seen three friends down here. I don't know what to make of that. The rational side of me makes excuses and says, "Oh gas is still a little high, they're probably busy, the timing is bad." However, the more paranoid side says, "You're not a good enough friend to warrant them taking the time and money to come down and see you." I want to think that side is wrong, but I do wonder. I recently got my hopes up in thinking that I was going to finally see a friend that I missed terribly, and had even requested time off (on a day that I shouldn't have, but that's how important this friend is), then I was blown away by a sudden change in dates and now the friend will be down here on a day that I can't request off unless someone in my immediate family has died. I don't know what to think. Once again the rational is pointing out that it is this friend's decision, and that it's not about me at all. But that stupid paranoid side says, "This friend hasn't come down here in the nearly five months you've been down here, and now they will be here on a day you can not get off? Yeah you're not a priority." 

I hate feeling like this, both the physical effects of my knee, and what it is doing to me emotionally and mentally.